Top Ten Indications That You've Waited Too Long to Mow

10.  You feel the constant need to apologize to your lawnmower.

9.  Your lawn is so tall that even snakes are afraid to go in.

8.  You find fossilized squirrels beneath the undergrowth.

7.  You have to climb on the roof to check the weather.

6.  The DEA keeps sending airplanes to circle your house, looking for a pot farm.

5.  You get a letter from the governor stating that your property is now a protected wilderness area.

4.  When venturing into the yard, you wear a headlamp and anchor yourself to the porch with safety lines, even in daytime.

3.  You leave food and water out for your dog, hoping she will be able to sniff her way to freedom.

2.  Pharmaceutical companies send research teams, hoping to discover new plant species.

And finally...

1.  Aliens leave intricate crop circles and a note that says,

     

>>^<<HUMAN SAMPLE COLLECTION FAILURE>>^<<COULD NOT LOCATE>>^<<