A thought for today...

The Grand Event

Years ago, a good friend asked me to be the music teacher at a little K-8 Christian school where he was the principal. I must have blacked out, or had a small fit of insanity that temporarily dispossessed me of my ability to think logically. Because when the meeting was over, I was nodding my head and shaking his hand while he explained my salary by muttering something about "Christian service." I was now a music teacher. 

How hard could it be, though?

I figured I'd teach the kindergarteners some music theory by drawing funny faces on a staff and handing out percussion instruments, hoping they didn't use each other's heads as cymbals. When that quit working, I'd remove my ear plugs and teach them hand motions to a song. They could later perform this dressed like sheep. How adorable would that be? I'd teach the 1st and 2nd graders how to play recorders so that by the end we could subject their parents to a chorus of semi-recognizable tunes played on what sounds like constipated teapots at full boil. I would teach the 3rd and 4th graders how to play hand bells, and just keep highlighting notes on the score and tapping my baton on the music stand until that feeling that I'm driving a truck through a wind chime factory started to dissipate. I'd teach the 5th graders to be dramatic… wait, no instruction needed there. Then I would teach the 6th, 7th, and 8th graders to be a choir, assuring them that it's okay to risk looking like an idiot in front of everybody. Thankfully, I lead by example really well in that area.

Every day, I went home mentally exhausted.

I remember my name being on the program as having directed 150-odd kids in TWO unified productions of full-costumed dramatic and musical splendor. Heck, there were even kids at the back doing sound and lights. To this day I don't think it should have said "Director" next to my name on that program. "Befuddled Ringleader" would have suited better.  I don't know how all those kids managed to get organized into that gorgeous, cohesive unit that made the parents cheer. What I saw during class didn't give me much reason to predict that outcome. What I didn't see was that God had a plan for those kids that year, and he had a plan for me that not even I could screw up. He went before me and cleared a path. He gave me just enough mayhem to bring me to my knees, but never push me over the edge. He sent parents and teachers and generous donors into my life who brought fullness and sparkle to my meager efforts. He shaped me into what was necessary for that time by lavishly supplying everything I needed, and even beyond. I went into almost every situation a clueless impostor and came out smelling like a rose. I was the cracked pot (or crackpot) that held water anyway. I was the crooked stick that drew straight lines. What I did at that school was impossible for me. That's why God was glorified. Only he could do all that. But that's biblical. 

"Whoever speaks [should do so] as one who speaks oracles of God; 

whoever serves, as one who serves by the strength that God supplies—

in order that in everything God may be glorified through Jesus Christ. 

To him belong glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen." —1 Peter 4:11

Am I saying that volunteering to do jobs for which you are uniquely unqualified is always the way to go? Hehe. NO. I'm saying that you should do everything by the strength that God supplies so he gets the glory. It's just more obvious that's happening when you're out of your depth. 

Want to see something freakishly fantastic about this verse? 

That word "supplies" up there? The Greek word used is "chorēgei." It means "funds and leads a chorus of performers, bearing all the expenses necessary to stage a grand event."  Are you freaking kidding me right now?! Amazing! Obviously, nobody knows better than God how much effort and expense goes into a theatrical production. When he "supplies," that's the level of supply we're talking about. God is so serious that his son Jesus be glorified in our lives, that he supplies us with everything we need to make our lives into a grand event that makes people say, "Wow, God did that?" He's not about spray glitter and cheap illusions. He sends in real tigers and lights the batons on fire! 

Well, I only lasted a year being a music teacher, but I'm still out of my depth. I'm a mom now.

And being a mom is a lot like directing a theatrical production. I am so encouraged that even though I'm still the Befuddled Ringleader, I have a heavenly Dad who not only leads my little chorus of performers, he completely funds my efforts with strength and creativity when I have none of my own. He makes this grand event I call my life a success. He even does special effects! The applause at the final curtain will be his.

                                                          Leave me a comment! :D

Ten Motherhood Confessions

Motherhood is an adventure, not a science. The evidence...

1. My children regularly eat their siblings' leftovers as a snack.

2. I find a great deal of cleaning motivation from watching Hoarders.

3. That little first grader with bits of oatmeal in her hair, running to catch the bus, wearing one sock and carrying her shoes? Yeah, that was my kid.

4. I often eat chocolate first, then pray when I feel a little better.

5. I've had this happen more times than I can count: Having just imparted a particularly profound nugget of grown-up wisdom to my eager young children, I realize they ran off about five minutes ago and I've been talking to myself.

6. I sometimes stay up later than I should to get some "me time." The next day, I frown more than I smile.

7. I have a dog primarily to clean up food and beverage disasters. She stays busy.

8. I fell asleep in a pile of laundry earlier today.

9.  I've had to look up my own phone number before.

10. During my sleepy days with my third newborn, I came within three seconds of walking out to get the mail with one boob hanging out. 

And there are so many more, but we'll leave those for another post. ;) Things like this are the reason I know God can draw a straight line with a crooked stick. It's only logical that He get the glory for how awesome my kids are turning out.  Can you relate to any of these?

7 Baby Items I Found Pointless

Babies need so much stuff. Seriously. 

I have a few friends who are pregnant and navigating the world of fantastic baby gear, some for the first time, and one who's just getting back into it. There are a ton of decisions to make! One asked me what she should register for, and I made a great list. But as I surfed the websites full of sparkly baby goodies, I kept running across items that made me chuckle, because I remembered how underwhelmingly not useful they were when my Short People were tiny. So I made another list. Here are a few of my less-than-awesome purchases and the reasons I didn't need them. I hope it helps you out. And congratulations for needing to shop in the first place, whether it's for you or someone else!

1. Diaper Genie

Why: Because while they do help somewhat, they really don't get rid of the odor completely. Nobody wants to gaze at their sleeping infant to a background stench of county fair port-a-potty. Take the stink bombs outside right after they happen! It's good to see the sky periodically anyway. 

2. Baby wipe warmers

Why: Because babies adapt to having a cold wipe to the butt pretty early on in life if they're not expecting otherwise. Imagine her shock and ensuing squeals, however, the first time in an echoing public bathroom where no wipe warmer is available. Pass the ear plugs! If you're set on the idea anyway, try folding a wipe and tucking it into your bra to warm against your body while you get out the other supplies and undo snaps. Saves electricity!

3. Baby wash cloths

Why:  Use the ones you already have as long as they're nice and soft. I'm not against wash cloths in general, just those sold for babies, because they're too thin and small.  If you get any of those at all, get maybe one package for wiping your baby's face. But again, that's a big "if."

4. Bottle warmers

Why:  Just in my experience, I almost always managed to get distracted and overheat the milk or food. And it's just one more appliance to take up space on the counter and require cleaning by hand. A nice, big coffee mug half-filled with hot water is just as effective, and I bet you already have one!  Experiment with microwave times until you find one that gets the water to the perfect temp and set the bottle in there. You won't have to worry about it getting hotter and hotter.

5. Pacifier thermometers 

Why: It's an awesome idea, but even babies who like pacifiers are different kids when they're sick. My babes never wanted to keep this kind of thermometer in their mouths, either because they didn't feel good and it wasn't the right binky, their noses were stuffed up and I couldn't get an accurate reading, or because they were nauseated and gagged on it.  The rectal thermometer is touted as the most accurate, but honestly, I'd sacrifice a couple tenths of a degree to avoid being pooped on repeatedly. Get the kind that scans the forehead, trust me!

6. Store-bought hooded bath towels

Why: Store-bought ones such as those made by Circo (Target brand) are made from thin fabric and soak through quickly. That means a wet lap for you, and a chilled backside for the babe. The chillier the baby, the more crying there is!  These towels also usually have huge, dumb appliques on the hoods which are cute, but not absorbent, and tend to get in the way.  You are better off making your own from full-sized, thick, terry towels and maybe decorating the hood with a little bit of baby-themed satin ribbon. Check the web for tutorials such as this one.

7. Crib bumper

Why:  They are so cute and iconic in those online nursery photos. But nowadays, doctors are urging parents to avoid them. See this article for their reasons. For my own part, the bumper just became one more thing to wash when the puke started to fly. A few months later, it became the step ladder for Baby Houdini. I'd rather spare you that heart attack and just say don't bother! 

I'm sure there are many other things I'd find pointless if I went out and looked, but these are the goodies I registered for, thought I needed, and then dismissed after experience proved otherwise. Your own experience will be your best teacher. Just enjoy this time of discovery, wonderment, and of course, shopping!

How To Get Clean in 10 Easy Steps

If you have ever cared for a toddler, then you know that meal times can be a hilarious mess! So today's post is brought to you by a 1-year-old boy... not that other toddlers actually need the advice. ;)

How To Get Clean in 10 Easy Steps

1. Hold up left hand to be wiped. 

2. Hold up right hand to be wiped while smearing clean left hand in high chair tray food.

3. Hold up left hand to be wiped a second time while locating soggy crackers in lap with clean right hand and squishing them between fingers. Quickly rub soggy crackers into hair and eyebrows.

4. Hold up right hand to be wiped a second time while rubbing left hand through the soggy cracker in hair and eyebrows, spreading it into the ear canals if possible.

5. Turn head from side to side while hair, eyebrows, and ears are being wiped, making sure to keep trouble spots well out of reach. Rub hands together to distribute remaining soggy cracker evenly over hands and front of parental shirt.

6. Get one last swipe of food tray residue as the tray is being removed from high chair; rub into freshly wiped hair.

7. Hold up right hand to be wiped a third time while using left hand to spread soggy cracker and food tray residue into parental sleeve or arm hair.

8. Hold up left hand to be wiped a third time while using right hand to pick wads of drying food off bib and toss them on the floor.

9. Continue the dodge-and-weave technique while hair and face are being wiped a second time, while using both hands to squish remaining bib residue between fingers.

10. After parent mumbles the word "whatever" and one is lifted from the high chair, use parental hair, shoulders, arms, face, and chest as a towel to remove about half remaining food residue. Wear the rest of it till bath time.