5 Ways to Get Creative In Bed

I have been having trouble in bed for a while now. I'd love to take all the credit for that with my late-night blogging sessions, but I'd be remiss if I didn't give props to my kids for helping make me this way too. There are lots of hints and tips out there for overcoming the problems I'm having, but I can be a tough nut to crack. I get in bed, and things just don't go the way they should! So I've been researching some other, more inventive means to get there. Other means that don't involve vodka mixed with Ovaltine, that is. 

Here's how I get creative in bed:

Stare.

That's right. If someone is trying to sleep next to you, stare at them. It's not only fascinating and creeptastic, it will finally afford you the time to count their eyelashes while making up a song to go with their nose whistle. If it's a good song, you can also hum quietly. After a while, you'll be so bored you won't know what hit you till morning.

If nobody's in bed with you, then focus on Jesus. Blow up this photo and stick it to your ceiling: 

If you stare at it until your eyes water, then when you close your eyes, you'll see an artistic rendering of Euro-Jesus (or possibly just some random hipster) floating across your retinas. Sweet.

Play footsie. 

Invite small children, a cat, or your neighbor's pet parrot to play at the foot of your bed for an hour. That night, attempt to identify all of the random objects that have been left there, using only your feet. 

Swaddle.

Hey, it works for babies! Roll yourself up in a sheet until you're in an inescapable burrito straightjacket. You'll be so exhausted from trying to escape that you'll fall right to sleep. Plus you can skip your morning workout. Win-win.

Hit the brewsky store.

Not for brewskies. For an ingredient… hops! Put some green hops into a sachet next to your pillow. Drift away into very German-smelling dreams. For reals, this is actually a thing! Like yourself, hops only get better (and smellier) with age.

Weird dreams.

This is the best one of all. It's every bit as good as falling asleep during a sermon, but with an extra dose of awesome. Bust out your favorite music listening app and pair it with your audiobook app. You haven't really experienced Little Women until you've heard it with Pink Floyd's "Interstellar Overdrive" playing in the background. The story of Jonah gets a lot more fun when played with the Hawaii Five-O theme. 

But the best one I've tried yet… the resurrection of Jesus from Matthew 28 to the theme from Superman. 

Chills.

So that's how I fix my insomnia... Wait, what did you THINK I was talking about?